In Defense of Short, Cozy Weddings

(And a rebuttal before we even start: "In Defense of Big Weddings" from the Deadspin Funbag by Drew Magary.)

Have you ever been to a big Filipino wedding?* If you haven't, let me provide some context:

*for this post, I mean traditional Filipino Christian wedding. Specifically Roman Catholic. I haven't had the pleasure of attending the weddings of other religious denominations.

• Traditional Filipino wedding ceremonies are at least two hours long.
• Filipino weddings include wedding Sponsors. The Principal Sponsors act as witnesses and sign the marriage contract with the couple. Secondary Sponsors are Coin Sponsors, Veil Sponsors, Cord Sponsors, and Candle Sponsors, who have specific functions during the wedding ceremony. To quote from Bride & Breakfast: "For Catholic Church weddings, you’ll need to have three pairs of secondary sponsors. The candle sponsors light the wedding candles before the rite of marriage, the veil sponsors drape the veil over the groom’s shoulder and the bride’s head (they will also remove it after the cord is removed), and the cord sponsors tie or place the cord over the bride and groom (they will also remove it after Communion)."
• Because of all the moving parts, traditional weddings are usually complex--and expensive. 

I have been to weddings, and I find that the loveliest weddings I've been to are the ones where the couple's personalities are allowed to shine through. Jaykie and I--we want something simple but elegant, solemn but carefree. We want something chill because we actually want to enjoy our wedding day! We believe we can have a ceremony that can be stripped down to its (legal and spiritual) essence. We want to have good food and good conversation. We don't want, among other things, those cringe-y/borderline misogynist games they play at some wedding receptions, or wedding speeches that take forever, or hungry & bored guests, or sermons that admonish the couple's early decisions. (You know what I mean! You've been to weddings, too.)

Trivia time! There is a Catholic practice called "sposi novelli" where newlywed couples (married two months or less) may have a special audience with the Pope to receive his special blessing. That has specific rules as well.

We got some pushback of course, sometimes from the unlikeliest of sources. (Like our photographer, who really, really, really wanted to take photos of the wedding preps and got his wish in the end, but was crestfallen when I said no I don't have a veil, and yes, the wedding invitation is only an e-vite and is on a Facebook Event page. I'm sure I ruined more than half of his prepared shot list.)

We always say we didn't have a wedding coordinator, but the truth is that role was played by mom Vicki Lazarte, and we are ever so grateful for all her help, and for acting as a foil to our craziness. We looked at the program flow of traditional weddings and just machete'd our way through it as we would through a dense forest--and she added fresh flowers and a cake. (And a color motif, which turned out to be my favorite color and the Pantone Color of the Year. We just figured it out on the day--honest!) Our gratitude as well to our solemnizing officer, Rev. Rainier Pagcaliwagan of Union Church of Manila, who immediately understood what we wanted for the ceremony.

And thank you to our family & friends (especially to Lawrence de Guzman, who agreed to be our host, and Dean Alfar, who gave the best toast ever)! 

You guys are the best.

Now, before we get to the photos, let me get down to brass tacks.

Pre-wedding Legal Stuff

1. You need a marriage license before you can get married. This blog post helped us a lot. Kudos to the Parañaque Local Civil Registrar for the kind attention. This marriage license will be submitted to the solemnizing officer so he/she can use the details for the marriage contract you will be signing at your wedding.
2. The Family Code of the Philippines says 

Article. 8. The marriage shall be solemnized publicly in the chambers of the judge or in open court, in the church, chapel or temple, or in the office the consul-general, consul or vice-consul, as the case may be, and not elsewhere, except in cases of marriages contracted on the point of death or in remote places in accordance with Article 29 of this Code, or where both of the parties request the solemnizing officer in writing in which case the marriage may be solemnized at a house or place designated by them in a sworn statement to that effect. (57a) [emphasis mine!]

so prepare a notarized Joint Affidavit documenting this request, if (like us) you're not getting married in court/chambers or in church. Here is a sample.

Wedding Etiquette

Ugh I can't believe I'm writing this down but

1. Be prompt. Couples work with a budget and have to trim down their wedding guest list. Whenever I get an invitation to a wedding, I consider it an honor! So: always make it a point to RSVP early, and please please please don't miss the ceremony and just sashay in during the reception because Hey It's Free Food & The Couple Wouldn't Mind That I'm Late. Because they'll mind it. They'll mind it a lot. In fact, it just might break their hearts. They invited you because they wanted you to be a witness. It's an honor, but also a responsibility. Please be responsible.
2. Wedding invitations are NOT transferable. It's not a buffet voucher. Don't go "Hey, X can't go so can I take X's slot so Y (whom you or your fiance(e) have never met) can come with me?" I don't think I need to spell out why, right? 
3. Be mindful and gracious. If the invitation says "We have reserved one (1) seat for you", maybe don't ask "Can I bring a plus one?" And the best thing a bride & groom can hear from a friend is "Congratulations!", not "Finally" because they're going to imagine that that "finally" comes with an eyeroll and an impatient groan. 

Okay, that's enough for the manners lesson. Let's look at some photos!

Venue: The Manila Hotel

Photography: Aubrey Tiosen Photography (Some of the photos shared here are unretouched.)

Wedding favors: Aromateria Scents and Sensibilities / Shani Tan

I...actually don't know how to pin a corsage. *awkward laugh*

Portrait by Bulacan-based artist Yam Friera Morales. Check out this link.

Saying hi to friends before the ceremony.

The shortest processional ever.

We got tungsten bands for our wedding rings. Non-traditional metals are hypoallergenic, more affordable, and perfect for everyday wear.

Our host, Lawrence.

Dean giving his toast.

Our wedding playlist is on Spotify!